My son was in second grade this year. Every day, on the way home from the bus stop, I’d ask what he did that day, and invariably they did nothing. I’d prod, as directed by the school: “Which specials did you have today? Did you go to the library? Did you have gym? What did you get in trouble for? Did anyone fall out of a chair?” and basically get nothing.
Now the school year’s winding down, which means that the other day he came home with pounds of classwork–much of it unfinished, or even untouched (kinda confirming his claim that he does nothing at school). But in among the mess of nightmare penmanship and abandoned math sheets were bizarre gems, like these little daily writing things. I don’t even know what these were supposed to be: They are half-sheet size, stapled into booklets, rarely dated. Sometimes they are just a sentence or two about his weekend or favorite food, but often they are these weird schematic jokes:
Or little nuggets that read like spitball pitches for indie horror films. Here’s my favorite:
That says (with spelling corrected): AN UNFORTUNATE HAMSTER AND A MONKEY WITH BIG EARS TIED TOGETHER TO A BONE.
Jesus! Did they film these! Is this from the TV Guide in a parallel universe were Begotten won an Academy Award?
Also, apparently, he and his classmates made an anthology:
This thing weighs over a pound-and-a-half and is thicker than my thumb. My boy’s contribution is the first chapter (?!) of a piece of some sort of Snoopy/Pikachu slash fic. Wolves bring them magical weapons and some sort of sonorous bird. There were more chapters of this–occasionally illustrated, invariably scrawled edge-to-edge, front and back, on loose sheets of college-rule paper–embedded in the trash-monster that came home in his backpack. There was also an unpublished draft for the first book in his series Presidents in Peril in which Lincoln is saved from wolf-assassination by a time-traveling ninja (also an excellent film pitch, in my humble).
Oh, and, one more thing: They made a whale. A 1:1 scale replica of a blue whale, made from black plastic tarps and inflated with industrial blowers (the kind the custodians use to dry the floor after waxing).
(Sorry these pics aren’t super-fantastico; there was no practical way to get a pic of the outside of the thing, because it was as big as a fucking blue whale.)
A whale. A whale. They made a whale, and then inflated it, and got inside it as a class, and made measurements so they could tape down 3×5 index cards labeling the locations at all the organs.
They worked on it for months–during which, every day, I asked my kid: “What did you do at school today?” and he answered “Nothing.”
HE SPENT HIS DAYS TOILING IN THE BELLY OF A WHALE, and that was “Nothing” to him; Nothing at all.
We truly live in an age of wonders.
These are our tax dollars at work, Ann Arbor, Michigan. This is what we vote for when we vote for millages. I, for one, have no regrets. None at all.
Category: Other Writing
Hey Nifty! My Story “The New Guys Always Work Overtime” Won the 2014 Asimov’s Science Fiction Readers’ Award for Short Fiction! #scifi
. . . or tied for it, at least:
WINNERS: Analog Science Fiction and Fact’s AnLab Award / Asimov’s Science Fiction’s Readers’ Award – SF Signal
Asimov’s Science Fiction Readers’ Award Winners
- Best Novella: “The Application of Hope” by Kristine Kathryn Rusch (8/13)
- Best Novelette: “Over There” by Will McIntosh (1/13)
- Best Short Story (Tie)
- “The Wall” by Naomi Kritzer (tie) (4-5/13)
- “The New Guys Always Work Overtime” by David Erik Nelson (tie) (2/13)
- Best Poem: “Rivers” by Geoffrey A. Landis (6/13)
- Best Cover Artist: Kinuko Craft
Wanna read it? Well, you’re in luck: You can buy the ebook or get it for FREE (many formats available).
Lost Your Glasses? Make a Pinhole “Lens” with Your Fist #PROTIP
This is *vital* survival skill for folks who depend on corrective lenses. For example, both my mother and wife are basically blind without their glasses (my mom is actually legally blind without hers); misplaced glasses are a huge problem.
If you are an optometrist, you should teach this to folks first thing when you prescribe lenses for them. It can be an actual life saver, right up their with hands-only CPR and the knowing to Heimlich an infant[*].
If you’re generally curious about pinhole technology and how pinholes work, you can check out this article I wrote for The Magazine, “Light Motif.”
Continue reading “Lost Your Glasses? Make a Pinhole “Lens” with Your Fist #PROTIP”
My novelette “There Was No Sound of Thunder” is in the current ASIMOV’S (plus a *BONUS* story for FREE!)
My latest novelette, “There Was No Sound of Thunder,” is featured in the issue of ASIMOV’S SCIENCE FICTION magazine that’s on newsstands for the next week or so. If you don’t believe in dead-tree reading, you can get it for Kindle *cheap!* If you don’t believe in paying for stuff–well, you can work that via Kindle, if you kill your subscription fast enough, or just go to your local library.
BONUS: My other story set in this same commercial time-portal universe, “The New Guys Always Work Overtime” (first published in the February 2013 ASIMOV’S) is now available as an ebook. Gimme your email address and you’ll get an absolutely FREE!!! copy:
(If you aren’t cool with sharing your email, you can buy a copy of the story for a buck from any number of ebook retailers.)
And, hey, one last thing: here’s a little flash fiction I wrote as a favor to a friend last week–in an easy-2-retweet format, no less!
Imogene Heap’s Goofy Magic Music Gloves
Since I’m neither a musician nor a computer programmer[*], these don’t excite me personally (I imagine using them–for me–would be as frustrating as the goddamned Nintendo Power Glove), but OMFG do I ever wanna buy a pair of these for Girl Talk!
Imogen Heap’s musical gloves – Boing Boing
And, for those who don’t know Girl Talk, please go seek enlightenment *now.*
QUICK UPDATE: I’ve got a novelette in the July/August issue of THE MAGAZINE OF FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION #SF
Hey All,
Been sitting on this news for a bit, but happy to now share that my mostly-math-and-also-something-very-much-like-a-transporter-plus-marathons-and-Nebraska-and-wheelchairbound-air-travel novelette will be in F&SF this summer. The rest of the issue looks pretty rad, too:
July/Aug F&SF Contents Announced | C.C. Finlay | ccfinlay
In alphabetical order by author, these are the twelve stories that will appear in the July/August issue of Fantasy & Science Fiction:
William Alexander, “The Only Known Law”
Charlie Jane Anders, “Palm Strike’s Last Case”
Paul M. Berger, “Subduction”
Haddayr Copley-Woods, “Belly”
Sarina Dorie, “The Day of the Nuptial Flight”
Annalee Flower Horne, “Seven Things Cadet Blanchard Learned From the Trade Summit Incident”
Cat Hellisen, “The Girls Who Go Below”
Alaya Dawn Johnson, “A Guide to the Fruits of Hawai’i”
Sandra McDonald, “End of the World Community College”
David Erik Nelson, “The Traveling Salesman Solution”
Dinesh Rao, “The Aerophone”
Ian Tregillis, “Testimony of Samuel Frobisher Regarding Events Upon His Majesty’s Ship Confidence, 14-22 June, 1818, With Diagrams”
Some notes:
“Five Tales of the Aquaduct” by Spencer Ellsworth was also purchased but it didn’t end up fitting into the issue due to length. (I bought too much!) It will appear in a future issue.
The cover story is going to be Charlie Jane Anders’s “Palm Strikes Last Case.”
The Annalee Flower Horne story is her first professional fiction sale. If you know her, go wish her congratulations — it’s been very hard for her to sit on the news this long!
My blog post about the submissions process and how I chose these stories can be read here:http://www.ccfinlay.com/blog/nectar-for-rejectomancers.html
William Alexander, “The Only Known Law”
Charlie Jane Anders, “Palm Strike’s Last Case”
Paul M. Berger, “Subduction”
Haddayr Copley-Woods, “Belly”
Sarina Dorie, “The Day of the Nuptial Flight”
Annalee Flower Horne, “Seven Things Cadet Blanchard Learned From the Trade Summit Incident”
Cat Hellisen, “The Girls Who Go Below”
Alaya Dawn Johnson, “A Guide to the Fruits of Hawai’i”
Sandra McDonald, “End of the World Community College”
David Erik Nelson, “The Traveling Salesman Solution”
Dinesh Rao, “The Aerophone”
Ian Tregillis, “Testimony of Samuel Frobisher Regarding Events Upon His Majesty’s Ship Confidence, 14-22 June, 1818, With Diagrams”
Some notes:
“Five Tales of the Aquaduct” by Spencer Ellsworth was also purchased but it didn’t end up fitting into the issue due to length. (I bought too much!) It will appear in a future issue.
The cover story is going to be Charlie Jane Anders’s “Palm Strikes Last Case.”
The Annalee Flower Horne story is her first professional fiction sale. If you know her, go wish her congratulations — it’s been very hard for her to sit on the news this long!
My blog post about the submissions process and how I chose these stories can be read here:http://www.ccfinlay.com/blog/nectar-for-rejectomancers.html
FYI: If you’re interested in the ins and outs of fiction submissions (i.e., ALL WRITERS), Finlay’s blog post (linked above) is very worth your time.
President Dad (for better or worse)
I continue to write a column for the Ann Arbor Chronicle. This month I covered the President’s visit to Ann Arbor. He mostly came to talk about minimum wage, but we mostly showed up to See the Man Himself (as is oft the case with these Presidential types), so that we could say that we were there, and had seen the guy in person (*hint* he’s the tiny dude in the middle of the pic to the left), and could tell you what kinda guy he is because of that.
But what kinda guy *is* he? Well:
What is the PotUS? For one thing, apparently, he is a Dad. And I don’t just mean to say he’s the biological father to Sasha and Malia; there hasn’t been childless PotUS since James K. Polk (who, Batmanishly, took on a nephew as his ward – so you could argue there’s never been a childless PotUS). I’m talking about the Nature of the sitting PotUS. George W. Bush was a “Cool” Big Brother – which is to say half rake, half bully. His father was a Study Hall Proctor. Reagan was, obviously, a Hollywood Actor. Clinton? He was an Elvis. And the current PotUS is a total Dad.
The PotUS arrived in his shirtsleeves, because he was ready to Get Down to Business and Hit Us with Some Straight Talk about wages and stuff. The PotUS complimented us as good-looking, and commended our work ethic and academic achievements. He seemed to legitimately admire the quality of the prominent sportsball players in the audience, which pleased the audience a great deal.
Then, like somebody’s dad, the PotUS cajolingly admonished us to sit down – which might have seemed sort of cryptic to home-viewers, because the crowd was cropped out of the shot. Everyone had given a standing ovation upon his entrance, and then remained standing. Many folks were standing on their rickety folding chairs – which any dad will tell you is dangerous, and bad for the chairs. C’mon, guys; settle down. I’ve gotta talk to you about something important.
This was all in the first three minutes and thirty seconds of his speech.
. . .
The PotUS arrived in his shirtsleeves, because he was ready to Get Down to Business and Hit Us with Some Straight Talk about wages and stuff. The PotUS complimented us as good-looking, and commended our work ethic and academic achievements. He seemed to legitimately admire the quality of the prominent sportsball players in the audience, which pleased the audience a great deal.
Then, like somebody’s dad, the PotUS cajolingly admonished us to sit down – which might have seemed sort of cryptic to home-viewers, because the crowd was cropped out of the shot. Everyone had given a standing ovation upon his entrance, and then remained standing. Many folks were standing on their rickety folding chairs – which any dad will tell you is dangerous, and bad for the chairs. C’mon, guys; settle down. I’ve gotta talk to you about something important.
This was all in the first three minutes and thirty seconds of his speech.
. . .
More here: The Ann Arbor Chronicle | In It For The Money: Presidential Stinkburger
I’ve got a new time portal story in ASIMOV’S! #scifi #braggadocio #FREE
My novelette “There Was No Sound of Thunder” is in the current issue of ASIMOV’S! It’s a big, fat time travel story and features–among other refinements–the Parable of Too Many Hitlers. The issue is on newsstands now. For the digitally inclined, you can essentially get a free copy of this issue for Kindle (since a new Kindle subscription has an automatic free 30-day trial–although the $2.99/month subscription price is a pretty good deal; hours of top-notch SF for the price of a big fancy coffee). You can read reviews of the issue on Goodreads, and write your own if you fancy.
Another story set in this universe–“The New Guys Always Work Overtime”–was in ASIMOV’S last year, and is now available as an ebook (with a slick-ass cover by Jacqueline Sweet, bless her dirty heart).
You can buy that story basically anywhere ebooks are sold or get a FREE copy by email.
The PotUS and Minimum Wage [UPDATED!]
On April 2, 2014 the President of the United States came to the University of Michigan to speak about minimum wage. I covered The Event for the Ann Arbor Chronicle, but didn’t at all speak to the nominal topic of these remarks (i.e., minimum wage), because I don’t feel that events like these are really at all about substantive discussions of policy. They are about handshakebabykissSMIIIIIIIIILEgoBlue!!!–and the PotUS perforned admirable in this regard.
But for those who read the column and really *do* want to think more about minimum wage, here are some articles that have influenced my thinking (with commentary). I also touched base via email with Adam Stevenson (an econ lecturer at U-M mostly known for his work on the labor and tax ramifications of same-sex unions). The sense I got from Stevenson–who describes his position as “pretty orthodox,” basically running along the lines of what you’ll find in any halfway decent Econ 101 textbook–is that increasing minimum wage is in no way the clear win-win the PotUS was pitching to his 1,400 gathered listeners on April 2:
1) Increasing the minimum wage obviously HELPS folks who already have minimum wage jobs (i.e., employers don’t start eliminating job when the minimum wage increases). These workers will have more money, and will spend it on stuff. Economic growth!
2) Increasing the minimum wage HURTS people who are unemployed and basically only qualified for a minimum wage job (i.e., when the wage floor goes up employers avoid staffing vacant minimum wage jobs and creating news ones). These non-workers will continue to have basically no money, and won’t buy stuff. Misery!
2a) The bulk of minimum wage workers are “teenagers and the elderly” [UPDATE: It turns out that this is a pretty contentious statement; details below] Stevenson mentioned this because minimum wage issues can at least in part explain the very high (~25 percent) unemployment among these potential workers, and tends to indicate that raising the minimum will make things even worse for those folks. I’m mentioning it because in his speech the PotUS said that “the average age of folks getting paid the minimum wage is 35.” I believe this is likely true–because the *average* of 17, 17, and 70 *is* 35–but it doesn’t mean that many 35-year-olds necessarily earn the minimum wage. Using a mean average to get folks thinking about a median or mode average is a classic How to Lie with Statistics tactic, and the PotUS deserves to be called out on it.
3) No one can really say what the net effect of #1 and #2 are, despite hundreds of academic papers trying to get at just that. The most famous (cited 1500 times, according to Stevenson, and mentioned in the NPR pieces I included among my resources) is a 1994 paper by Card and Krueger, which found no meaningful job destruction when the minimum wage was raised. “This paper launched a thousand responses, many of them quite critical of the methodology. Most subsequent papers do indeed find a negative employment effect, which reinforces the idea that it’s hard to say what the net effect of the min wage is.” Stevenson goes on to recommend this “readable (if slightly technical) paper by Dave Neumark, one of the country’s major experts in the area. Neumark tends to be critical of the Card and Krueger paper I mention above, but I think he gives all sides a reasonably fair shake.”
4) Increasing the minimum wage is a crummy way to “help the poor.” Noting Stevenson’s point in #2a–that the bulk of minimum wage workers are teens and older workers–relatively few minimum wage workers are “supporting” families in the way we tend to picture when someone says “helping working families.” What *does* “help the poor” and “support working families”? Quoth Stevenson: “The EITC (Earned Income Tax Credit) is a much bigger, better, and direct way to achieve the same goals. Things like subsidized health care, child care, etc. would also be of much larger practical impact.”
In other words, since we have every reason to believe that futzing with the minimum wage is a crummy way to actually help working families and “think of the children” (see #4), then the real question is whether the individual joys and trickle-down-ish benefits of a higher minimum wage (#1) are large enough to cancel the individual misery and deadweight losses (#2)? Stevenson’s conclusion:
The likelihood that the benefits of increasing the minimum wage outweigh deadweight loss “is not clear empirically, and the simple theory (let me stress the many connotations of the word SIMPLE) suggests that there must be a net loss.”
The Public Library: America’s Most Beloved–and Transparent–Taxing Entity
I continue to write a monthly-ish column for the Ann Arbor Chronicle. This most recent installment is a 2600-word love letter to local libraries. It begins:
Say a precocious child – like Glenn Beck, for example – asks you how much the library costs. The library is, after all, readily confused with a bookstore (because it is full of books) or NetFlix (because they let you have stuff for a while, but expect it returned in good condition).
What’s your answer?
Probably the first thing that comes out of your mouth is that it’s free – which makes sense to the child (and, evidently, Glenn Beck). After all, the kid never sees you pay anyone there, and (assuming your household finances are like mine) it is also likely often a place you go to have fun and get stuff after you’ve explained that you can’t buy this or pay to visit that on account “We don’t have the money for it.”
But we’re all grow-ups here – even Glenn Beck – and we certainly know that the library costs something [1], we just don’t know how much (or, evidently, who foots the bill). If pressed, we’d wave our hands and say that the library is probably funded (note that passive voice!) by some sub-portion of a portion of our property taxes, plus a little Lotto money and tobacco settlement, multiplied by the inverse of some arcane coefficient known only to God and the taxman, or something – yet another inscrutable exercise in opaque bureaucracy.
But it’s not that way at all.
. . .
What’s your answer?
Probably the first thing that comes out of your mouth is that it’s free – which makes sense to the child (and, evidently, Glenn Beck). After all, the kid never sees you pay anyone there, and (assuming your household finances are like mine) it is also likely often a place you go to have fun and get stuff after you’ve explained that you can’t buy this or pay to visit that on account “We don’t have the money for it.”
But we’re all grow-ups here – even Glenn Beck – and we certainly know that the library costs something [1], we just don’t know how much (or, evidently, who foots the bill). If pressed, we’d wave our hands and say that the library is probably funded (note that passive voice!) by some sub-portion of a portion of our property taxes, plus a little Lotto money and tobacco settlement, multiplied by the inverse of some arcane coefficient known only to God and the taxman, or something – yet another inscrutable exercise in opaque bureaucracy.
But it’s not that way at all.
. . .
And goes on from there, with footnotes and charts, a picture of my tax bill, links to videos of Glenn Beck and Jon Stewart–we’ve got it all! Make sure to check the comments for my 1000-word (!!!) drunken clarification/addendum. Enjoy!
The Ann Arbor Chronicle | In it for the Money: Your Public Library