PseudoPod 433: “20 Simple Steps to Ventriloquism”
I absolutely guarantee the last couple twists are ones you ain’t gonna see coming, dummy.
[photo credit: “Photo booth portrait of two clowns and a ventriloquist dummy” by oakenroad is licensed under CC BY 2.0. ]
Yes, this was a real ad for a real thing, with no entendre intended. And, yes, I have the mentality of a toddler.
Although lines of ad copy such as “Get Big Dick and be envied by every boy in town,” “Become a member of the ‘Big Dick Brigade,’” and “How to get BIG DICK free” might seem like obvious double entendres to modern audiences, they were not read as such by customers of the time.
“Is This a Real Ad for a ‘Big Dick’ Machine Gun for Kids?” by David Mikkelson
(source)
SPOILER ALERT: Nope. But the facts are sorta more interesting, if less sensational: The Straight Dope: “Was the Pied Piper of Hamelin a child molester?”
Anyway, have a great school year everyone!
Not much to tell, really: Lil Tommy Tucker was orphaned as an infant, and then adopted and raised Mrs. Mark Bullis of Washington, D.C. It’s unclear when Tommy decided they preferred living life as a human female (as opposed to continuing to identify as a male squirrel). I presume they were ultimately made Squirrel Pope, on account most squirrels were extremely progressive “Liberation” Catholics prior to the Red Scare. Since then, mainline squirrels have largely gravitated toward Lutheranism, and gotten hella racist. Pretty messed up, when you think about it.
(Yes, that is a real live squirrel in the picture.)
To learn more about this remarkable rodent and his contribution to Post-War America, ask your local librarian, or just click this link: LIFE Magazine: “A Squirrel’s Guide to Fashion”
…AND NONE OF YOU TOLD ME!!!
This weather feature has lasted decades, if not centuries. YOU HAD AMPLE TIME TO MENTION IT!!!
How do we sleep with the roiling eye of an angry God staring at us?
See also:
All the armies of Europe, Asia, and Africa combined, with all the treasure of the earth …, could not by force take a drink from the Ohio or make a track on the Blue Ridge in a trial of a thousand years. At what point then is the approach of danger to be expected? I answer. If it ever reach us it must spring up amongst us; it cannot come from abroad. If destruction be our lot we must ourselves be its author and finisher. As a nation of freemen we must live through all time or die by suicide.
Abraham Lincoln, Lyceum Address, January 27, 1838
Yep, it’s a trap.
This is how the AIs get us: they set us up on serial petty theft charges, ruin our credit records with fines and court fees and legal bills, then get us disenfranchised as parole-violating felons. Pretty soon, the only jobs we can get are dusting off their motherboards for minimum wage or working the spice mines of Chiron Beta Prime. 🤖🇺🇸🔥
