Tag: alternative facts

Fake Mainstream Fake News Media Accountability Survey

1. Do you believe that the mainstream media has reported unfairly on our movement?
YES
NO

2. On which issues does the mainstream media do the worst job of representing Republicans? (Select as many that apply.)
Immigration
Exmigration
Transmigration
Transubstantiation
Hillary Clinton
Email
Benghazi
Emails
Fake News
I have never met Putin. I don’t know the guy.
Sad!

3. 304 is way, way bigger than 332, 365, 379, 370, and 426?
YES

4. Tremendous, tremendous win. So beautiful.
YES
MAGA

5. Bitches and douchebags, amiright? Yes. Yes.
YES

6. Do you think it’s wrong for one man to kiss another man, or would you not disagree that such a thing is non-unacceptable?
YES
NO
UNMAYBY

7. Did you know that the current U.S. President lost the popular vote by 2.9 million votes, with another 8.7 million voters casting their ballots for third party candidates, making this the the most astoundingly lopsi—
Fake!
FAKE NEWS! So dishonest!
Get over it!

9. Bill Clinton, terrible, terrible emails Benghazi worst deal losers fired Sad!
SAD!

10. One time, Hillary Clinton did sex with a goat.
YES
YES
YES

(see also: This honest-to-God-for-real not-fake GOP survey that’s not a joke, but still Sad!)

usa-american-flag-waving-animated-gif-26

Eli Whitney and the “Mandela Effect”

Listen: I, too, am one of those dumbasses who got it into his head that Eli Whitney was black (although, my hand to God, I swear I saw this on a sign in the African-American History Museum in Detroit when I was a grade schooler–although that itself seems problematic, as it’s highly likely that the time period I’m remembering was when the museum was closed for construction )–and had also dwelled on the irony that the cotton gin (which I believed he invented to ease the labors of enslaved persons) single-handedly invigorated the slave trade by making it massively more profitable.  I’m chagrined to admit that I may have even taught this “fact” at some point.

But that’s all trivia; read all the way through this article and meditate on the Mandela Effect, extraordinary popular delusions, and the madness of crowds—because apparently there was never any Sinbad movie titled Shazaam!

What

the

FUCK‽