Like if “Springtime for Hitler” was both a real thing, and being performed by a middle school drama club

I’m sure I’m missing something here, but this looks an awful lot like a troupe of little mixed-race American girls doing a dance—with ropes!—around a “hanging tree”, which ends with a flamboyant black man crowing “Whooo! That was fierce you guys; I wanna hang from that tree!”

😳

P.S. “Springtime for Hitler,” just in case none of us are sharing any overlapping portions of bubble.

You know when a dude dumps a chick…

… because he “thinks he can do better”, but then it turns out that

  1. He can’t “do better” and
  2. She just kept getting hotter and more awesome?

I feel like that’s gentiles’ relationship with Paganism.  You cats backed the wrong fucking horse, is all I’m saying:

Merry Xmasnacht!!! 🎅🏿⛄️🎄🔥💀🌞

OH MAN! This is one of my favorite sounds! #WinterWonderland ❄️

CONTEXT: I grew up outside of Detroit, where we were taught to never, ever go out on ice (very few ponds froze solidly, because so many were spring fed, or had weird inflows of nice warm waste that kept the ice rotten). But one time I was walking on a gravel path around a pond, scuffing my feet, and the gravel went shooting out over the thin, glass-smooth, clear ice and made this most amazing space-phaser-time-portal-starship-battle-pew-pew-pew! sound that I love-love-loved! (My ongoing experiments in slinkiphonics have largely been about chasing this Good Noise™ and wielding).

This is that sound:

(And here’s a bonus Winter Wonderland 🐻 bad judgement call)

I can’t for the life of me recall why I wrote this…

… or properly explain why I’m sharing it now:

This Is Just To Say

I knew
it was that kinda party
and so I stuck my dick in
the mashed potatoes

which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
it was kinda weird
so sweet
and so cold

(see also “Beastie Boys – B-Boys Makin’ with The Freak Freak” and the original Mantan Moreland comedy album source material)

HAPPY THANKSGIVING: “As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly!” #gobblegobblegobble 🦃💀

(Yeah, I repost this every year, because I love this gag, and because watching this on TV—and rehashing it with my mom and sisters each year—is one of my fondest childhood holiday memories.)

THANKSGIVING TURKEY GIVEAWAY! (WKRP in Cincinnati) from Tony DeSanto on Vimeo.

This is, in my humble, a damn-near perfect gag—which is saying something, because I find single-camera laugh-track situation comedies almost entirely unbearable to watch.

I hope your day is good and sweet.  Gobblegobble!

(If you wanna read more of my thoughts on this specific gag and what it can teach writers, you can do so here.)

Back of the Envelope Calculation: “Billionaire Philanthropists” are Fucking Pathetic

Read this article:

Here’s how much America’s billionaires give to charity, in one chart

…and saw the chart:

And then did some math: 

The “average American” (that’s a family making $50k–$99k in this article here) gives ~3–6% of their income to charity each year. Now, that’s income, not wealth. If we want to apples-to-apples this, we need to gauge giving vs. wealth. It appears the “average” American’s wealth is something like $97,000  (which kinda sucks, given that the average American home is worth more than twice that—and is mortgaged to the gills).  So, we end up in about the same place: The average American annually gives money worth ~3% of their wealth. 

In other words, the average American is significantly more generous with their wealth than pretty much every goddamned billionaire out there.  Even Warren Buffet (who I actually really admire) is just a tiny bit above average on this one.  

So, if your argument against a wealth tax is “It’s OK for folks to sit on billions of dollars, because rich people are super charitable”—well, they just aren’t. In fact, multiple studies have found that as folks get poorer in this country, they give a higher percentage of their income to charity (and generally have zero or negative wealth). People at or below the poverty line often give ~10% of their annual income to charitable causes each year.  

So, yeah, give thanks on Thursday, sure—but give some fucking money, too, dammit.