Shut up! Stop What You’re Doing and LOOK AT THIS!!!
This is a real product that actually costs $25 and it’s awful.
BONUS: According to many reviews, many cats seem to hate this pricey, perverse thing. Heck, the cat featured on the sales page looks like s/he hates it:
At first glance this seems both stupid and nuts…
… but Imma level with you: It gets both saner and more brilliant the longer you watch.
(source with further details)
I went to a Russian wedding one time, and it was basically exactly like this
My 11yo found this online and forwarded it to me. If you’ve never been to a modern Russian-Jewish wedding reception, it’s pretty much exactly like this, plus a vodka luge.
(Note the length of that track. That’s commitment to the gag, people.)
Why Do I Love this Ad So Much?
I dunno; I just do. There’s something about it that makes it, in many ways, a more complete and superior horror story than any of the like-length CryptTV videos on YouTube. I think the principal problem is that when a “horror film” goes below ~3mins, the filmmakers almost invariably seem to decide that all they can possibly do in that time is craft a jump scare. As such, the piece is inherently callous (if not outright cruel) to the viewer. It’s bullying art, art that has decided it needs (or should, or is right) to inflict itself on you. That doesn’t mean that I don’t like art that confronts you with unpleasant realities—in fact, I sorta like that art best of all—but I want for us to go to that place together (both as a person making art and a person consuming it).
But then we have something like this—or like the weird, wonderful [Adult Swim] videos I’ve linked in the past. Because these things don’t think of themselves as horror, I feel like they’re more open to creating a more nuanced kind of horror, even in a much more compressed chunk of time.
The horror in this SNL skit is in what it implies about the universe that this family lives in, all the stuff that’s outside the frame (including that escaped almost-pizza beast). And part of what makes that horror is the fact that the world we actually really live in—this world, where I am sitting and tying and you are sitting and reading—is outside that frame too, and thus is sharing space with the horrifying reality that put these characters in that room with that awful thing (brought to you by Pfizer™).
The Devil’s Craft Project: Go Superdog, GO!
I found this image in a note on my computer labelled “The Devil’s Craft Project: Go Superdog, GO!“
I don’t know where I found it. I don’t know why I saved it. I don’t know what I intended to do with it.
But … just … man, right? The past is hella fucked up at every turn.
RECOMMENDED VIEWING: Sci-Fi Short Film “Bar Talk” (presented by DUST)
A lot of the short films Dust releases are 75% solid, then fall apart at the untangle/resolution (often by not having one at all: they have a terrific Setup, then a nice Tangle, then roll credits—grrrrrrrr). But this one holds up nicely. Give it a watch:
Offered Without Commentary: “Little Ghost”
[panel #1] “Hey”
[panel #2] “I… um…”
[panel #3] “I’m… a little… concerned…”
[panel #4] “that I look like a wang, Dave.”
[panel #5] OFF-PANEL VOICE: “You aren’t a wang! You’re a little ghost in a cape, and if I call it…”
[panel #6] OFF-PANEL VOICE: “… Little Ghost, then everything will be fine, so you shouldn’t worry.”
My 10yo asks “Want to see me use the Force?”…
… I nod.
He sticks his finger in his mouth, then draws the spit-slick digit out and, swift as a fencer, pushes it into my face. I instinctively rear back, as though moved by some sort of mystical energy field, perhaps one created by all living things—the sorta thing that surrounds us, penetrates us, and binds the galaxy together.
Touché, tiny nerd. You win this round.
STEP 1: Stare at the crosshairs; STEP 2: See demons! o_O
Just a reminder that this is a thing, and your brain is basically a bunch of bullshit neurons playing telephone.
(See also: “Wikipedia: Flashed Face Distortion Effect” and “io9: An explanation for why your peripheral vision is completely borked“)