Tag: sex

If you’re looking for a monstrously overwritten 1870s guide to NYC brothels, then you’re in luck!

…’cause the whole damn thing is digitized online: and free for all: A Vest Pocket Guide to Brothels in 19th-Century New York for Gentlemen on the Go

Choice bits include these sick burns on pg. 19 (original page numbering):

Text from "A Gentleman's Directory (of NYC Brothels)" published in 1870. Reads: "The establishment Spring street is a house of assignation kept by Hattie Taylor, It is 8 third class house where may be found the lowest class of conrtezans. It is patronized by roughs and rowdies, and gentlemen who turn their shirts wrong side out when the other side is dirty. The house NO. 114 PPL05 is kept by Mrs. Palmer. It is a low eatablishment and frequented only by the fagends of the community."

and this bit:

Text from "A Gentleman's Directory (of NYC Brothels)" published in 1870. Reads: "No. 127 W. 26th street is & ladies boarding house of the second class, kept by Madame Buemont. There is a report of a bear being kept in the cellar, but for what reason may be inferred. There is not anything else attractive about the place."

I’m gonna admit that I’m extremely naive and just say it: I cannot infer the reason the bear is kept in the cellar. Our sex ed class didn’t cover this. Can someone please explain?

I also love the reasoning highlighted on pg. 7 (annotation #3), because it’s literally Skinner’s “I was only there to get directions on how to get away from there!” gag from the the old “Marge vs. the Burlesque House” episode of The Simpsons:

NSFW (but I did learn that Danish pig farmers have remarkably clean boots)

I generically hate TED Talks (because they are, on average, garbage), but I’m sharing this because:

  1. It is hilariously NSFW
  2. There’s something about Mary Roach’s delivery that gives the distinct vibe that she maybe lost a bet and was thus obliged to give this talk
  3. I have a middle-schooler’s mentality, at best
  4. The excerpt of the instructional DVD from the Danish National Committee for Pig Production is truly superb

BURIED LEDE ALERT: Japanese monkeys ride deer like ponies?!? (for Flashback Friday)

You may recall this brief news item from 2017, about “adolescent female monkeys in Japan engaging in sexual behaviors with adult deer”:

(Aside: Is anyone else weirded out that the deer always look at the camera? That doesn’t seem like happenstance. Like… is it… is it part of the kink for them? ’cause that makes me sorta feel… like, I don’t want to be made a part of this without my consent. That’s all I’m saying. I do not consent to this.)

What may have slipped past you was this parenthetical toss-off from the first—and least sensationalistic—mainstream coverage: “Scientists Say Japanese Monkeys Are Having ‘Sexual Interactions’ With Deer” (Thanks, NPR!)

Japanese macaques are known to ride deer like humans ride horses, for fun or transportation — behavior the deer seem to tolerate in exchange for grooming and discarded food.

So, just an FYI: Japanese monkeys are in the midst of domesticating deer—you know, for fun, or transportation, or (as we did before them) to increase their travel range and capacity to haul loads.  Loads, like, I dunno, the lifeless bodies of the defenseless denizens of Tokyo, after marauding teen-nympho sex monkeys start raiding that once grand metropolis, charging in under cover of night astride their deer consorts, cutting us down, smashing our skulls, and feasting on the goo within!!!  IT’S IN REVELATIONS, PEOPLE!!!

Anyway, point being there are are only two ways this story ends, and neither of them is good. Our future is either this:

or this:

(first posted back in Dec 2017; lightly revised since. no updates on macaque progress toward world domination)

Is this Presumably Bot-Designed Product Awesome, or in Remarkably Poor Taste? (redux)

Awesome. It’s clearly awesome. 😂🤣 (for context, see this earlier post: “Is this Presumably Bot-Designed Product Awesome, or in Remarkably Poor Taste?”

Heinrich Lossow’s “The Sin“, but it’s a throw pillow.

As an aside, the artist (Heinrich Lossow) deserves props for the best two-sentence bio on all of Wikipedia: 

“Heinrich Lossow (10 March 1843 in Munich, Kingdom of Bavaria – 19 May 1897 in Schleissheim, Austria-Hungary) was a German genre painter and illustrator. He was a prolific pornographer in his spare time with an emphasis on analingus.” 

Wikipedia

Of course, not to be outdone, Ali Express has likewise charged into this brave new world of fully automated product creation:

Stay classy, Ali Express

♬♫♪ STROKIN’ ♬♫♪

The looks on these Québécois’ faces tell me that they do not have a strong command of the English language.

Strike that: the Mike Pence-looking Midnight Cowboy furthest to the right? I think that mofo 1) speaks serviceable English, 2) selected this song, and 3) told the rest of the dance team that it’s about competitive swimming.

(For reference, here’s the original video; God bless Clarence Carter, he is a national treasure)